renewables
Sky News To Power Australia With Nightly Nuclear Outrage
Low rating news and opinion channel, Sky News Australia, has been tipped to be named as Australia’s future source of fuel with plans afoot to start mining the channel’s hosts for their nuclear outrage.
”This is a great move as the Sky News after dark team provide an almost renewable source of nuclear outrage,” said energy analyst Richard Watt. ”I mean just telling them that they are renewables is enough to create an abundance of nuclear outrage.”
”This may truly help Australia reach net-zero, ironically with a bunch of net-zeroes.”
When reached for comment on the plans to mine Sky News Australia, the channel’s resident funny-man, Rowan Dean, said of the proposal: ”How dare these green, leftist, Marxist, imperial, pinko, commo, hippyish, inner-city elites try to steal our outrage.”
”In Sky News after dark we have the most balanced news and opinion team in the game. Why we have voices from all sides of the spectrum from the hard-right to the extreme-right.”
”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to film some footage of me yelling at a banana. Not sure why, but I’m sure it’ll play well in Queensland”
Mark Williamson
@MWChatShow
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Dutton Tipped To Name Aston & Dunkley As Future Nuclear Sites
Opposition leader (as of writing), Peter Dutton, is tipped today to announce the first two sites chosen to host his future pie in the sky nuclear power plants, with Aston and Dunkley being the rumored picks.
”It’s not to say that Peter is vindictive, just that he sees no benefit in alienating other electorates that may one day vote for him,” said a Liberal party insider. ”Dunkley had their chance and parts of it did swing to him, just not enough.”
”Oh well, I’m sure in time the people of Dunkley will love the healthy green glow of nuclear power.”
When asked how on earth they believe that they will win back Government when they can’t win a by-election in the middle of a cost-of-living crisis, the Liberal party insider said: ”You need a lot to go right to win an election and by God no one is heading as far right as us.”
”Besides, we have the media on our side, heck, even the ABC is fearful to say a negative word in our direction.”
”We’ll get back in to power and look out to all those who doubted us.”
Mark Williamson
@MWChatShow
You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.
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Barnaby Blames Wind Farms For Canberra’s Increased Horniness
The Opposition’s shadow minister for home and foreign affairs, Barnaby Joyce, has blamed the prevalence of wind farms in the vicinity of Canberra for the territories increased level of horniness.
”Before all these windfarms, I was a happily married man and Christian Porter was still in Canberra,” said the member for New England. ”These giant erections bursting from the ground and reaching for the sky have to be stopped.”
”Look around the World, no one is horny who lives in the vicinity of a nuclear reactor.”
When asked why he was seemingly channeling Don Quixote as part of his one man war on windfarms, Mr Joyce said: ”I am sick and tired of the Government telling me what to do.”
”It was bad enough that when I was in Government that they told me I couldn’t bonk anymore.”
”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to be a guest speaker at a function for a bunch of cookers who’ve set up camp at the McDonalds down the road from the Governor Generals place.”
Mark Williamson
@MWChatShow
You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.
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