Energy Policy
Dutton Tipped To Announce Homer Simpson As New Nuclear Advisor
Australian Opposition leader (yep,really), Peter Dutton, is tipped to announce this week that fictional character Homer Simpson will be his new nuclear advisor in the run up to the next election.
”Homer Simpson brings a lot to the table,” said a Dutton confidant. ”The kids love the Simpsons, they’ve been around forever.”
”And it’s pretty hard to argue with a cartoon character, don’t believe me, watch Barnaby Joyce on Sunrise each week.”
When asked why the Government would take advice from a fictional character, the Dutton confidant said: ”Fictional character for a fictional idea. I mean you don’t think all this nuclear nonsense is real do you?”
”I mean could you imagine a party trying to sell nuclear in this day and age?”
”Safety aside, have you seen how much the bloody things cost?”
”Anyway, this whole nuclear thing is just a distraction, something to keep the press occupied and Gina happy. Besides the next election won’t be around energy, it’ll be on whatever scare campaign we can cook up around Albo and his Government.”
Mark Williamson
@MWChatShow
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Dutton Tipped To Name Aston & Dunkley As Future Nuclear Sites
Opposition leader (as of writing), Peter Dutton, is tipped today to announce the first two sites chosen to host his future pie in the sky nuclear power plants, with Aston and Dunkley being the rumored picks.
”It’s not to say that Peter is vindictive, just that he sees no benefit in alienating other electorates that may one day vote for him,” said a Liberal party insider. ”Dunkley had their chance and parts of it did swing to him, just not enough.”
”Oh well, I’m sure in time the people of Dunkley will love the healthy green glow of nuclear power.”
When asked how on earth they believe that they will win back Government when they can’t win a by-election in the middle of a cost-of-living crisis, the Liberal party insider said: ”You need a lot to go right to win an election and by God no one is heading as far right as us.”
”Besides, we have the media on our side, heck, even the ABC is fearful to say a negative word in our direction.”
”We’ll get back in to power and look out to all those who doubted us.”
Mark Williamson
@MWChatShow
You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.
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