coal
ScoMo Stuns The MET Gala By Appearing Dressed As A Lump Of Coal
Former Australian Prime Minister turned book salesman, Scott Morrison, has stunned attendees at the MET Gala by turning up dressed as a lump of coal.
”When on the World stage I do like to make a splash,” said the former PM. ”And what better way to do so than by combining two of my passions, coal and self-promotion.”
”Wouldn’t say I was the belle of the ball, but I was definitely the talk of it.”
When asked how sales of the book were going, the former PM, turned book seller, turned MET Gala attendee said: ”Well it’s not a race, but you know, we are starting to move a few units.”
”At the MET Gala I met this lovely chap called Kendrick and we had a great chat about beef. He’s having some problems in this area and I said, well Kendrick, have I got the book for you to deal with this.”
”Now, if you’ll excuse me, my dear friend Donald Trump has said he’ll rent me some space in Trump Tower to flog my book, time is money you know.”
Mark Williamson
@MWChatShow
You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.
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ScoMo Banned From Dymocks Burwood For Hassling Customers To Buy His New Book
Former Prime Minister (yep, really), Scott Morrison, has been asked to leave Dymocks Burwood after repeatedly hassling customers and trying to foist his new book on them.
”It was really embarrassing, he was standing at the door trying to lay hands on people, then whilst praying for them he’d slip his book in their shopping bag,” said a Dymocks Customer who wished to remain nameless. ”Also, he’d managed to put the book into every section of the store.”
”It was in romance, young adult, but not in the leadership section.”
When reached for comment on how the book sales were going, the former PM said: ”It’s a very exciting time and the books are literally flying off the shelves.”
”Why just yesterday I popped my head into a book shop and when people saw me they started running away. I assume they were running to buy a copy of my book so that I could sign it for them.”
”Funnily enough none of them came back, must have been too intimidated.”
”Anywho, must be off, I’m going to sneak a couple of copies of the book into the local street libraries. Just cause you can’t afford it doesn’t mean you should miss out on the gospel according to ScoMo.”
Mark Williamson
@MWChatShow
You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.
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Sky News To Power Australia With Nightly Nuclear Outrage
Low rating news and opinion channel, Sky News Australia, has been tipped to be named as Australia’s future source of fuel with plans afoot to start mining the channel’s hosts for their nuclear outrage.
”This is a great move as the Sky News after dark team provide an almost renewable source of nuclear outrage,” said energy analyst Richard Watt. ”I mean just telling them that they are renewables is enough to create an abundance of nuclear outrage.”
”This may truly help Australia reach net-zero, ironically with a bunch of net-zeroes.”
When reached for comment on the plans to mine Sky News Australia, the channel’s resident funny-man, Rowan Dean, said of the proposal: ”How dare these green, leftist, Marxist, imperial, pinko, commo, hippyish, inner-city elites try to steal our outrage.”
”In Sky News after dark we have the most balanced news and opinion team in the game. Why we have voices from all sides of the spectrum from the hard-right to the extreme-right.”
”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to film some footage of me yelling at a banana. Not sure why, but I’m sure it’ll play well in Queensland”
Mark Williamson
@MWChatShow
You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.
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Dutton Tipped To Announce Homer Simpson As New Nuclear Advisor
Australian Opposition leader (yep,really), Peter Dutton, is tipped to announce this week that fictional character Homer Simpson will be his new nuclear advisor in the run up to the next election.
”Homer Simpson brings a lot to the table,” said a Dutton confidant. ”The kids love the Simpsons, they’ve been around forever.”
”And it’s pretty hard to argue with a cartoon character, don’t believe me, watch Barnaby Joyce on Sunrise each week.”
When asked why the Government would take advice from a fictional character, the Dutton confidant said: ”Fictional character for a fictional idea. I mean you don’t think all this nuclear nonsense is real do you?”
”I mean could you imagine a party trying to sell nuclear in this day and age?”
”Safety aside, have you seen how much the bloody things cost?”
”Anyway, this whole nuclear thing is just a distraction, something to keep the press occupied and Gina happy. Besides the next election won’t be around energy, it’ll be on whatever scare campaign we can cook up around Albo and his Government.”
Mark Williamson
@MWChatShow
You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.
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Aussie’s Uged To Put Out Their Secret Ministries In Honor Of ScoMo’s Retirement
With the impending retirement of the first Politician to hold 5 secret ministries at the same time as being the country’s PM, Scott Morrison, Australian’s are being urged to put out their secret ministries as a sign of respect for the former PM.
”It’s a big deal when a former PM leaves parliament for the last time,’ said a Liberal party insider. ”Usually they do it after losing an election, not mid-way through a term of parliament leaving the party with a tricky bi-election.”
”But, you know it took ScoMo a long time to find another group of gullible fools to employ him.”
When asked what they thought that the Morrison Government will be remembered for, the Liberal party insider said: ”Haven’t you seen Nemesis?”
”Look, at the end of the day he didn’t always get it right but ScoMo did one thing that every Australian should be thankful for.”
”He stopped Peter Dutton from being PM.”
”Could you imagine what would have happened to a country Governed by Dutton and Joyce.”
”Anyway, must be off ScoMo needs to some help packing up his office, he plans on nicking a lot of stationery.”
Mark Williamson
@MWChatShow
You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.
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