Cocaine

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Baby Booted From Arj Barker’s Show Signs On For Next Season Of Dancing With The Stars

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 24/04/2024 - 7:41am in

Tags 

Media, Australia, Cocaine, Comedy, Melbourne, Reality TV, satire

In entertainment news, the baby who was this week booted out of comedian Arj Barker’s Melbourne International Comedy Festival show has been signed by agent to the stars Max Markson and announced as a contestant on Channel 7’s Dancing With The Stars.

”What a great get by the network, this kid is hot and will surely tear up the dance floor,” said entertainment reporter Hugh Gossip. ”Next year’s Dancing With The Stars is shaping up as an all-time classic for Channel 7.”

”What with the baby, Ben Roberts-Smith and Bruce Lehrmann. What a truly golden age for reality television.”

When asked how a baby who can’t even walk will be able to dance on a reality show, a Channel 7 executive said: ”It’s a very clever kid, it’ll work it out.”

”Besides, that’s not our biggest problem, we need to figure out how to get Bruce to dance whilst potentially in prison.”

”Hopefully Bruce’s cell mate is nimble on his feet.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and see a guy about getting some motivational powder for one of the contestants. I hope I don’t mix up the baby powder with the coke.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

We’re also on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/theunoz

The (un)Australian Live At The Newsagency Recorded live, to purchase click here:

https://bit.ly/2y8DH68

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Sunrise Cash Cow To Be Replaced With The Channel 7 Drug Mule

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Fri, 05/04/2024 - 6:30am in

Tags 

Media, Australia, Cocaine

Beleaguered television network, Channel 7, has today announced that the beloved star of Sunrise the cash cow is to be replaced with the network’s newest star, the drug mule.

”The cash cow has been good for us, but, you know, never a bad time to freshen things up,” sniffed a Channel 7 Executive. ”The drug mule is the mascot of the future, kids will love it.”

”And you never know who’s gonna be in the costume, could be Bruce one week, Schapelle the next. Don’t suppose you’ve got cocaine Cassie’s number?”

When asked whether the network had any remorse for the sex, drugs and Lehrmann scandal, the Channel 7 Executive sniffed: ”Let he who has not paid for an interview with hookers and blow cast the first stone.”

”Media has for centuries provided a bit of quid pro quo.”

”You think Jesus, didn’t get a basket or two of loaves and fishes in exchange for a sneak peak of the sermon on the mount?”

”Anyway, enough chit chat, I’ve got sources to source and hookers to book.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

We’re also on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/theunoz

The (un)Australian Live At The Newsagency Recorded live, to purchase click here:

https://bit.ly/2y8DH68

Read more