retail
Woman With Christmas Shopping Already Done Overdoses On Smugness
A woman is in a critical condition in a Sydney hospital after taking an overdose of smug whilst declaring to her friends that she had completed all of her Christmas shopping several weeks before the event.
“A female was admitted to intensive care with heightened levels of superiority in her blood stream as well as a patronisation reading of .24,” said Dr Rudolph Mistletoe from the ER department of Royal Prince Alfred Hospital. “In her pockets we found several empty packets of gift tags and two unused Christmas stamps.”
The woman, identified as Loftus resident Christine Kringle, had earlier been boasting to friends that she had finished all of her Christmas shopping by mid November and had sent out cards to every cousin, aunty, overseas acquaintance and work colleague.
“Unfortunately at this time of year we get many cases of people overindulging in smugness whilst letting all and sundry know how well organised they are about buying presents,” said senior constable Donna Blitzen from the NSW Smug Squad. “People should make themselves aware of the warning signs that a friend or family member is an early Christmas shopper. Are they buying packs of ten cards at the Boxing Day sales? Is there a significant rise in the levels of internet shopping during August and September? Do they have secret drawers of gift wrapping paraphernalia? Are they walking around the house with little bits of sticky tape on the ends of their fingers in October? If you’re being asked to put your finger on knot before the start of the cricket season I’d suggest planning some kind of an intervention.”
Doctors are hoping to lower the patient’s smugness levels by steering conversation away from Christmas and asking her if she has any plans for New Year’s Eve.
“Unfortunately if she’s already booked herself a hotel room overlooking Sydney harbour where she can see the fireworks we may be too late to save her.”
Peter Green
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New wave of Black Friday “Make Amazon Pay” strikes and protests in 30+ countries
Global Amazon workers take action on one of online retailer’s busiest days of the year
Tomorrow on Black Friday, the busiest shopping day of the year – then on through the weekend and onto Monday, Amazon workers will stage strikes and protests in over thirty countries around the world, in a massive day of action coordinated by the Make Amazon Pay campaign.
Christy Hoffman, General Secretary of UNI Global Union, said of the wave of action:
This day of action grows every year because the movement to hold Amazon accountable keeps getting bigger and stronger. Workers know that it doesn’t matter what country you’re in or what your job title is, we are all united in the fight for higher wages, an end to unreasonable quotas, and a voice on the job. That’s what workers in Coventry are striking for, and that is why workers around the world are standing up to Make Amazon Pay.
The global day of action is taking place for the four Black Friday in a row. In previous years, thousands of workers went on strike at facilities throughout Germany, France, Spain, the UK and Italy; garment workers’ took to the streets in Bangladesh; US workers organised walkouts; civil society allies held demonstrations projecting the Make Amazon Pay logo at Amazon headquarters all over the world and projecting “pandemic profiteer” onto Jeff Bezos’s mansion; and climate activists blockaded Amazon warehouses in three European countries.
Co-convened by UNI Global Union and Progressive International, Make Amazon Pay brings together over 80 unions, civil society organisations, environmentalist groups and tax watchdogs including Greenpeace, 350.org, Tax Justice Network and Amazon Workers International. The groups have united behind a set of common demands that Amazon pays its workers fairly, respects their right to join unions, pays its fair share of taxes and commits to real environmental sustainability.
Varsha Gandikota-Nellutla, co-General Coordinator of the Progressive International, said
From the warehouses in Coventry to the factories of Dhaka, this Global Day of Action is more than a protest. It is a worldwide declaration that this age of abuse must end. Amazon’s globe-spanning empire, which exploits workers, our communities and our planet, now faces a growing globe-spanning movement to Make Amazon Pay.
The day of action will include:
- Warehouse worker and driver strikes in the UK, Italy, US, Spain and Germany
- Climate activists in at least seven countries – Japan, Netherlands, Germany, Ireland, Italy, United Kingdom and Canada – protesting at Amazon Web Services (AWS) facilities to call out Amazon’s ‘greenwashing’, its data centres’ growing climate impact and electricity consumption, and AWS’s contracts with fossil fuels companies
- Thousands of workers rallying to protest in more than ten Indian cities
- Bangladeshi Garment workers take mass action in Dhaka to demand a minimum wage of $209 per month, an end to police harassment, which has seen trade unionists killed, and demand that Amazon signs up to the Accord on Fire and Building Safety
These actions reflect the widespread criticism of Amazon’s corporate practices. According to a comprehensive 2023 UNI Global Union survey, Amazon’s intense performance monitoring has inflicted stress, pressure, anxiety, and a sense of mistrust among its employees across eight key countries. The survey reveals alarming statistics: 51% of employees report adverse health effects; 57% cite deteriorating mental health due to Amazon’s intrusive monitoring. This has led to increasing scrutiny from lawmakers and the public, with US Senator Bernie Sanders investigating the company’s “abysmal safety record.”
A new report by the U.S.-based National Employment Law Project (NELP), Amazon’s warehouse workers receive significantly lower wages compared to other workers in the sector and considerably less than average earnings in their corresponding U.S. counties.
In a landmark move, the US Federal Trade Commission (FTC) and 17 state attorneys general have launched a lawsuit against tech and retail giant Amazon.com, Inc., accusing it of maintaining a monopolistic grip on the market through a series of anti-competitive practices.
Stuart Appelbaum, President of RWDSU, said:
This global action underscores the urgent need for Amazon to address its egregious labour practices and engage in fair bargaining with its workers. Our collective actions are gaining momentum, challenging Amazon’s unfair practices and advocating for workers’ rights and a sustainable future for all. Together, we can Make Amazon Pay.
Nazma Akhter, President of the Sommilito Garments Sramik Federation and Progressive International council member, added:
In Bangladesh, garment workers make the clothes that Amazon sells and profits from. But Amazon doesn’t even recognize us as its workers nor sign the Accord on Fire and Building Safety to keep our factories safe. That precarity leaves us open to even more abuse: dangerous working conditions, a minimum wage below the $209 per month we are demanding, and trade unionists attacked and killed by police. We make Amazon’s profits and together with our brothers and sisters around the world, we will Make Amazon Pay.
Irish Senator Lynn Boylan:
Amazon is failing our planet. At its current rate, Amazon won’t reach its stated 2040 net zero target until 2378. In my country, Ireland, Amazon’s hunger for relentless expansion will contribute to us exceeding our carbon budget with plans for three new data centres, whose insatiable demand for electricity drives up demand for gas. The unbridled expansion of data centres has raised alarms, with EirGrid warning of grid instability and the risk of rolling blackouts. Across the world, Amazon Web Services is deeply involved in different phases of oil production, focusing on pipelines, shipping, and storage for oil and gas companies. It’s time to Make Amazon Pay for its environmental damage.
Teamsters member Jessie Moreno at the Manchester summit
Jessie Moreno, Amazon Teamsters member from Local 396 in California:
Amazon workers are taking action around the globe to fight for the good jobs we deserve. In the U.S., my Teamster siblings and I are on strike against Amazon’s unfair labor practices. We have taken our picket line across the country and now we’re joining our colleagues from around the world to demand respect, fair wages, and a workplace where our health and safety are a priority. Amazon is no match for the power of its workers united.
Moreno’s union has been on strike against Amazon for more than 150 days. Watch his interview with Skwawkbox at last month’s Make Amazon Pay summit in Manchester here.
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