Australia

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Abbott Demands Albo Send The Army To The UK To Help Find The Princess

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 20/03/2024 - 7:57am in

Former Prime Minister (yep, really) Tony Abbott, has demanded that current Prime Minister, Anthony Albanese, send the army over to the UK to help track down Princess Kate.

”A strong monarchy makes a strong Australia,” said Mr Rabbit. ”Albo needs to stop obsessing over his beloved Rabbitohs and start obsessing over the Royals.”

”Like normal people do.”

When asked if he seriously wanted to Australia to waste resources in the middle of a cost of living crisis, Mr Rabbit said: ”Well, uh, huh, huh, the Australian people want the very best for our Royal family.”

”They won’t mind if we sacrifice a new school for a Royal visit, or a new hospital to send a search team to the UK.”

”Things like education and healthcare come and go, but King Charles and the Royals, they’ll be with us forever.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to pick up some supplies for my trip to the UK, I hope Harris farm is still open.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

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Nhận định soi kèo Úc vs Lebanon lúc 16h10 ngày 21/3/2024

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Mon, 18/03/2024 - 10:39am in

Tags 

Australia, Lebanon

Soi kèo châu Á Úc vs Lebanon

Còn nhớ hồi tháng 2, Úc kết thúc hành trình tại Asian Cup 2023 bằng thất bại 1-2 trước Hàn Quốc ở vòng tứ kết. Đây là kết quả không hề tồi bởi đối thủ của họ là một trong những thế lực hùng mạnh nhất của bóng đá châu Á. Thành tích kể từ tháng 10/2023 đến nay của đoàn quân xứ chuột túi khá tốt. Cụ thể, họ chơi tổng cộng 9 trận và giành được tới 7 chiến thắng. Những đối thủ nhỏ yếu hoàn toàn không phải vấn đề với tuyển quốc gia này.

>> KQBD nhanh nhất <<

Bên kia chiến tuyến, Lebanon rõ ràng bị đánh giá thấp hơn đối thủ rất nhiều về mặt đẳng cấp. Họ chỉ luôn là kẻ lót đường ở những giải đấu tầm cỡ châu lục. Thành tích kém cỏi của tập thể này đã nói lên tất cả. Trong 9 trận gần nhất tham dự, Lebanon chỉ giành được vỏn vẹn 1 chiến thắng và nhận tới 5 thất bại. Chuỗi không thắng của họ cũng đã kéo dài lên con số 4 trận, trong đó có 4 thất bại.

Soi kèo Úc vs Lebanon ngày 21/3Soi kèo Úc vs Lebanon ngày 21/3

Theo tỷ lệ kèo nhà cái châu Á hôm nay, Úc đang ở cửa trên và nhận mức chấp lên tới 2. Ngay cả khi phải chấp sâu, tập thể này hứa hẹn vẫn sẽ giúp các nhà đầu tư có lợi nhuận. Đẳng cấp và phong độ của hai đội lúc này có sự khác biệt rất lớn. Trong quá khứ, hai tuyển quốc gia này đã từng chạm trán nhau 2 lần và Úc luôn thắng với cách biệt 3 bàn.

Chọn Úc

Soi kèo tài xỉu Úc vs Lebanon

Với tỷ lệ tài xỉu đang là 3, người chơi nên đầu tư vào cửa Tài. Trước những đối thủ yếu, đoàn quân xứ chuột túi thường chơi tấn công khá phóng khoáng. Chiến thắng tưng bừng 7-0 trước Bangladesh ngay trong ngày ra quân tại vòng loại World Cup 2026 khu vực châu Á chính là minh chứng rõ rệt nhất. Lebanon cũng đã phải nhận tới 6 bàn thua chỉ trong 2 lần gần nhất chạm trán đối thủ. Mời các bạn lấy link xem bong da truc tiep trận đấu này.

Chọn Tài

Soi kèo hiệp 1 Úc vs Lebanon

Trong 6 bàn thắng gần nhất ghi bàn với Lebanon, Úc có tới 4 bàn ở hiệp 1. Đây là minh chứng cho thấy họ chơi tấn công phủ đầu. Đáng chú ý, tập thể này cũng luôn ghi bàn ở 45 phút đầu tiên trong 3 trận gần nhất tham dự. Lebanon ở đẳng cấp thấp và khó lòng đứng vững trước áp lực đối thủ gây ra. Đầu tư vào chủ nhà với kèo hiệp 1 là phương án hợp lý.

Chọn Úc thắng kèo hiệp 1

>> Xem ngay nhận định bóng đá từ chuyên gia <<

Đội hình dự kiến Úc vs Lebanon

Đang cập nhật

Dự đoán tỷ số Úc vs Lebanon

4-0 (chọn Úc và Tài cả trận)

The post Nhận định soi kèo Úc vs Lebanon lúc 16h10 ngày 21/3/2024 appeared first on XoilacTV.

Labor’s naval build-up pours billions more into war

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Fri, 15/03/2024 - 8:37pm in

In late February, the war-hawk Minister for Defence, Richard Marles, announced Labor would spend an extra $11.1 billion to double the number of Navy surface ships, taking total naval spending in the next decade to an eye-wateringly obscene $54.2 billion.

This come on top of the $368 billion for nuclear submarines, and billions more for new missiles, infantry fighting vehicles and armed “ghost bat” drones.

This is money that could be used to fund desperately needed cost of living relief, liveable JobSeeker payments, schools, universities and climate action. But instead the Albanese government is determined to pour money into the military.

Now Labor is driving up Defence spending to 2.4 per cent of GDP by the early 2030s, close to $70 billion a year.

Marles even had a shot at previous Liberal governments, trying to prove Labor’s war-mongering credentials, saying, “the trajectory of [Defence spending] under the previous government was 2.1 per cent.”

This was already an increase from 1.56 per cent of GDP in 2013.

While discounting any “imminent threat”, Marles was happy to name China as the target of this increased spending, declaring, “We are seeing China engage in the single biggest conventional military build-up since the end of the Second World War.”

In response Marles’ Ministerial media release unashamedly boasted that Australia’s naval build-up was “a blueprint for a larger and more lethal surface combatant fleet”.

Marles’ spending on aggressive naval power demonstrates Australia’s independent foreign policy at work.

He justified the massive spending as necessary to secure “sea lanes” arguing, “Australia’s modern society and economy rely on access to the high seas: trade routes for our imports and exports, and the submarine cables for the data which enables our connection to the international economy.”

In other words, controlling the “sea approaches” to Australia and aggressive sub-imperialism in the southwest Pacific is designed to secure the profits of Australia’s rich and powerful.

Australia’s military spending, while set to reach similar levels to Britain’s 2.6 per cent of GDP and South Korea’s 2.5 per cent, is still far less than the superpower US’s 4.7 per cent—in a far larger economy.

This is why Australia allies itself to the US and wants to lock the US into securing the Asia-Pacific.

This means Marles and Labor are happy to finance an arms race with China, requiring cuts to social spending at home to pay for it. We have to stop them.

By Tom Orsag

The post Labor’s naval build-up pours billions more into war first appeared on Solidarity Online.

Reversing Europe’s and Australia’s slide into irrelevance & insecurity – National Press Club of Australia speech

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Thu, 14/03/2024 - 2:18pm in

“Europe and Australia are facing a common existential threat: a creeping irrelevance caused, on the one hand, by our failure properly to invest and, on the other hand, by our ill-considered slide from a strategic dependence on the United States to a non-strategic, self-defeating servility to Washington’s policy agenda.”

Yanis Varoufakis’s address at the National Press Club in Canberra on Wednesday 13 March, 2024.

Thank you very much, thank you ladies and gentlemen. It is with a deep sense of the obligations and dues we owe to the owners of the land on which we meet today, the Ngunnawal people, that I, too, pay my respects to their elders, past, present and future. I also wish to note and acknowledge the special role played by the women of the first nations, not just because last week we marked International Women’s Day, but because of their leading role as custodians of complex knowledge, as community organisers, and as beacons of wisdom especially for those of us afflicted with a masculine condition.

Ladies and gentlemen, today I look forward to discussing with you some thoughts, concerns and ideas about Europe and Australia with a view to reclaiming a shared future for our two continents in a world where Europe and Australia are increasingly marginal. And to do so not just as a European politician but also as a proud citizen of Australia.

Europe and Australia are facing a common existential threat: a creeping irrelevance caused, on the one hand, by our failure properly to invest and, on the other hand, by our ill-considered slide from a strategic dependence on the United States to a non-strategic, self-defeating servility to Washington’s policy agenda.

The three post-war phases that shaped Australia’s and Europe’s habitat

Our present moment in Europe and in Australia has been shaped by three distinct postwar phases.

The first was the Bretton Woods system. America exited the war as the only surplus, creditor country. Bretton Woods, a remarkable recycling mechanism, was, in effect, a dollar zone built on fixed exchange rates, sustained by capital controls, and erected on the back of America’s trade surplus. With quasi-free trade as part of the deal, Washington dollarised Europe, Japan and Australia to generate aggregate demand for the products of its factories – whose productivity had skyrocketed during the war. Subsequently, the US trade surplus sucked the exported dollars back into America. The result was twenty years of high growth, low unemployment, blissfully boring banking and dwindling inequality. Alas, once the United States lost its trade surplus, Bretton Woods was dead in the water.

The second phase was marked by the violent reversal of this recycling mechanism. The United States became the first hegemon to enhance its hegemony by boosting its trade deficit. Operating like a powerful vacuum cleaner, the burgeoning US trade deficit hoovered up the world’s net exports. And how did America pay for them? With dollars which it also hoovered up from the rest of the world as German, Japanese and later Chinese capitalists sent to Wall Street 70% of dollar profits made from their net exports to the US. There, in Wall Street, these foreign capitalists recycled their dollar profits into Treasuries, real estate, shares and derivatives.

This audacious inverted recycling system, built on US deficits, required ever increasing American deficits to remain stable. In the process, it gave rise to even higher growth than the Bretton Woods era, but also to macroeconomic and financial imbalances as well as mind-numbing levels of inequality. The new era came complete with an ideology (neoliberalism), a policy of letting finance rip (financialisation), and a false sense of dynamic equilibrium – the infamous Great Moderation built on hugely immoderate imbalances.

Almost inevitably, on the back of the perpetual tsunami of capital rushing in from the rest-of-the-world to Wall Street, financiers fashioned gigantic pyramids of complex wagers – Warren Buffet’s infamous Weapons of Mass Financial Destruction. When these crashed, to deliver the Global Financial Crisis, two things saved Wall Street and Western capitalism:

  • The G7 central banks, that printed a total of $35 trillion on behalf of the financiers from 2009 to last year – a peculiar socialism for bankers. And,

  • China, which directed half its national income to investment, thus replacing much of the lost aggregate demand not only domestically but also in Germany, Australia and, of course, in the United States.

The third period is more recent. The era of technofeudalism, as I call it, which took root in the mid-2000s but grew strongly after the GFC in conjunction with the rapid technological change that caused capital to mutate into, what I call, cloud capital – the automated means of behavioural modification living inside our phones, apps, tablets and laptops. Consider the six things this cloud capital (which one encounters in Amazon or Alibaba) does all at once:

  1. It grabs our attention.

  2. It manufactures our desires.

  3. It sells to us, directly, outside any actual markets, that which will satiate the desires it made us have.

  4. It drives and monitors waged labour inside the workplaces.

  5. It elicits massive free labour from us, its cloud-serfs.

  6. It provides the potential of blending seamlessly all that with free, digital payments.

Is it any wonder that the owners of this cloud capital – I call them cloudalists – have a hitherto undreamt of power to extract? They are, already, a new ruling class: today, the capitalisation of just seven US cloudalist firms is approximately the same as the capitalisation of all listed corporations in the UK, France, Japan, Canada and China taken together!

Where did the money for so much cloud capital to accumulate come from, if not from profits? Remember the $35 trillion of central bank monies printed to refloat Western banks? That’s where. For example, 9 out of every 10 dollars that went into creating Facebook came from these central bank monies.

So, the issue is not what AI will do to us in the future but what cloud capital has already done to us. And now a question of immense importance to Europe and to Australia: In which countries is cloud capital, and with it the exorbitant extractive power it grants its owners, concentrated? In the United States and in China. Nowhere else! Hold that thought, while I turn to Europe.

Europe

Most of you will know me as the ejected finance minister of the most bankrupt European state – though I take solace from hearing that several people here in Canberra, including a government minister or two, knew me first as their Sydney University lecturer. Lest we forget, I was elected to that post because of a catastrophic collapse caused by Europe’s inane handling of an inevitable crisis, hot on the heels of the Global Financial Crisis – with Greece the canary in that mine.

The reason Europe was damaged permanently by the GFC was our ludicrous monetary architecture: A monetary union that had a central bank but no federal treasury to have its back. And nineteen state treasuries without a central bank to bankroll the bailouts of their nineteen separate banking systems! In short, even if European governments wanted to emulate the sensible response of the Rudd government to the GFC, we lacked the institutions to do it.

The result? Europe’s doom loop between banking losses, stagnation, unpayable public and private debt and an investment strike lasting quarter of a century thus leading, now, to Europe’s and, in particular, Germany’s de-industrialisation. Quarter of a century later, in addition to its deepening North-South divide, Europe now suffers an incurable East-West divide while:

  • the essential fiscal and political union is further away from the horizon than ever

  • the EU’s Green Deal is honoured in the breach, not in the implementation

  • Europe’s industries are falling rapidly behind their competitors in the United States and China in every technological race that matters, in green tech and green energy in particular

  • our continent lacks cloud capital in an age of technofeudalism where power stems from cloud capital, that only the United States and China possess in substantial quantities.

Why is there a New Cold War?

In my introduction, I said that Europe and Australia are facing irrelevance and marginalisation. Two are the reasons: One, neither Europe nor Australia possess significant cloud capital – it is a little like trying to make our way during the 19th century without steam engines. The second reason is the New Cold War, which is upending our business models, Europe’s and Australia’s.

Speaking of the New Cold War, almost a year ago Paul Keating, in this prestigious forum, famously lambasted the Albanese government for making the wrong call in allowing Australia to become complicit in Washington’s pursuit of the New Cold War against its own interests. The one question Mr Keating did not ask, however, was: Why is Washington doing this? Why did President Trump kickstart it with a ban on Huawei and ZTE? And why did President Biden turbocharge it with the microchip ban which was meant explicitly as a declaration of economic war on Beijing?

When I ask this question, I get two answers. One is Taiwan. The other is China’s escalating military threat to international trade routes in the South China Sea. Neither will do. Ever since Nixon went to China, and during the long period Washington was pushing Australia to induct China into the WTO and the globalised capitalist world order, the One China policy and Beijing’s determination to maintain sovereignty over Taiwan were, rightly or wrongly, unchallenged givens. As for China’s military threat, on this I am with Malcolm Fraser who opined that nothing short of Chinese navy surveillance ships anchored outside America’s navy bases at San Diego or Norfolk, Virginia can count as provocation. And, please, can someone, anyone, explain why on earth a country so reliant on a trade surplus and imported energy would ever wish to threaten international trade routes? No, the New Cold War is neither due to Taiwan nor to China’s military build-up. The answer lies in cloud capital.

America’s hegemony, built on its trade deficit, relies entirely on its capacity to extra rents from the rest of the world courtesy of its monopoly of international payments. But Chinese cloud capital has already achieved something that the dollar system cannot achieve: a seamless integration of cloud capital with a free digital payments system – for example, WeChat, the private App belonging to Tencent, and the public digital currency already offered by China’s Central Bank.

Why is there no American equivalent seamlessly blending Big Tech and Big Finance? Because Wall Street refuses to share their financial rents with either US cloudalists or with the Fed. And there is the rub: America maintains its dominance over international payments travelling along a rickety dollar highway, one full of potholes but still the highway of choice for global capitalists. Meanwhile, Chinese cloud capital has built an all-singing-all-dancing payments superhighway, denominated in yuan, that few used. But, this superhighway’s very existence is a clear and present danger to the US monopoly of the dollar payment system on which America’s hegemony rests. Especially after the Ukraine war created jitters amongst oligarchs around the world.

In short, the New Cold War has nothing to do with trade routes, Taiwan, or Chinese escalation in the Pacific. It is, rather, the manifestation of a dangerous clash between two technofeudal systems – one denominated in dollars, the other in yuan.

What should Australia do domestically?

So, the question becomes: What should Australia do in this topsy-turvy, increasingly technofeudal world? At the domestic front,

First, ditch the old rentier business model of banking on holes and homes. That’s now a Ponzi scheme whose maintenance will result in a country marred by minimal investment, low productivity, debilitating inequality, high inflation and low wages pushing its talented people into a low innovation sinkhole.

Instead, adopt a Green New Deal for Australia as a necessity, rather than a luxury. Europe is about to impose a border-adjustment carbon tax. America will surely follow. Australia must end its dependence on fossil fuels and unrefined minerals and let rip with solar and wind power that produces green hydrogen, not for export but, for powering new factories that will produce, domestically, green copper, green nickel, green cobalt and green steel for export to South East Asia and to China where they will be used to produce the electric cars and the cloud capital that Europe will then purchase tariff-free. To achieve this, this country needs a massive public investment project, a latter-day version of the 1950s Snowy Scheme.

Second, acknowledge that never before has it been so dismal to be young in Australia.

  • Reverse the absurdity of the Australian government collecting more money from HECS than it does from the Petroleum Resource Rent Tax.

  • Tax rents properly to make higher education free again.

  • End negative gearing and, especially, the inane capital gains exemption on real estate investments.

  •  Tax those with concentrated power to set prices and rents through the nose and, instead of inefficient tax cuts that just inflame house prices and consumer price inflation, build social housing that benefit not only those who live in them but suppresses private house price inflation.

Third, since Australian capitalists cannot compete with America’s and China’s cloudalists, it is the role of the Australian government, in the same way it once created the ABC, or the CSIRO, to put at the disposal of Australians important new technologies; to build up public cloud capital – beginning with a digital Australian dollar, essentially a free checking account for every resident using only a tax file number and a pin which would allow for free transactions and pay interest on deposits equal at the Reserve Bank’s overnight rate.

What should Australia do internationally?

What about internationally?

First, Australia must restore a reputation tainted by blindly following America into lethal adventures in Iraq, Afghanistan and, today, via its active and crucial complicity in Israel’s deliberate war crimes in Gaza, East Jerusalem and the West Bank.

Children are not starving in Gaza today. No, they are being deliberately starved. Without hesitation or remorse. The famine in Gaza is no collateral damage. It is an intentional policy of starving to death thousands until the rest agree to leave their ancestral homeland.

By lending credence to the notion that Israel is exercising the right to self-defence and by de-funding, on the basis of unsubstantiated Israeli accusations, the only agency that can ameliorate the starvation, Australia damaged its already wounded reputation. Reversing this decision is now too-little-too-late for the Australian government to wipe clean its complicity in ethnic cleansing by weaponised, designer-hunger. It will take a great deal more than that.

Just as there was a bipartisan campaign, led by Malcolm Fraser and Bob Hawke, to end South African apartheid when Washington was supporting it, the Australian political class needs to lead a campaign to end apartheid in Israel-Palestine. This is Australia’s duty for another reason: Because of the sorry history of terra nullius, the white settlers’ ideological cover for the genocide of native populations, which has been transferred from Australia to the land of Palestine under the banner of “A Land Without a People for a People Without A Land”.

Second, Australia has a duty to de-escalate the New Cold War. To understand that this can only be done if Australia ends its servility to a United States’ actively creating the threats that they then make us pay through the nose to protect us from.

Imagine an Australia that helps bring a just Peace in Ukraine, as opposed to a mindless forever war. A non-aligned Australia that is never neutral in the face of injustice but, also, not automatically aligned with every warmongering adventure decided in Washington.

Imagine an Australia which, having re-established its credentials as a country that thinks and acts for itself, engages with China in the spirit of peaceful cooperation – a far better way of addressing Beijing’s increasing authoritarianism toward its own peoples than buying useless, hyper-expensive submarines that only succeed in forcing China’s political class to close ranks around a more authoritarian core.

Imagine a truly patriotic Australian Prime Minister who tells the American President to cease and desist from the slow murder of Julian Assange for the crime of journalism – for exposing American war crimes perpetrated behind the back of US citizens in their name.

In the end, American powerbrokers will appreciate such an Australia better – in the same way you appreciate better a friend who tells you when you are wrong compared to a yes-man who never opposes you directly but whinges behind your back.

Conclusion

To conclude, if Europe and Australia are to escape gross irrelevance, we need separate but well-coordinated European and Australian Green New Deals. This will prove pie in the sky in a world buffeted by an uncontrollable New Cold War that threatens the green transition necessary to preserve our viability as a species. To have a future, Europe and Australia must end our mindless slide from strategic dependence on the United States to improvised-impulsive-inexpedient servitude to the United States.

DiEM25, our paneuropean movement, is working toward this goal. In the last fortnight, during this visit, I was thrilled to discover that there are talented people and effective organisations dedicated to the same cause. Optimism is perhaps not yet empirically justified. But hope burns strongly.

Thank you.

For a pdf of the above speech, click here.

The post Reversing Europe’s and Australia’s slide into irrelevance & insecurity – National Press Club of Australia speech appeared first on Yanis Varoufakis.

Dutton Stubs His Toe: Puts Out Press Release Condemning Labor Over It

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue, 12/03/2024 - 6:28am in

The Opposition’s head hate hydrant, Peter Dutton, has stubbed his toe this morning and immediately put out a press release condemning the Labor Government over it.

”Just what is Labor actually doing to prevent good honest Australian citizens from stubbing their toe?” Asked hate hydrant Dutton. ”You know, I once went to Israel so this is clearly an anti-Semitic attack on my toe.”

”For shame Albo, for shame.”

When asked what he would do, should he ever become PM (LOL), hate hydrant Dutton said: ”This issue is not about me it’s about the Albanese Government and whatever mud I can get to stick on them by using the megaphone that is the News Corp papers to scream out what I say.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and scream at people lining up for the bus that it’s Labor’s fault that they are not driving to their destination today.”

@MWChatShow

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Barnaby: ”Happy International Women’s Day, I’m Rooting For Ya!”

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Fri, 08/03/2024 - 9:41am in

Peter Dutton’s shadow minister for home affairs, Barnaby Joyce, has issued a press release today wishing the women of Australia a happy international women’s day and reminded them that he is rooting for ’em.

”No one can ever accuse Barnaby Joyce of not having his eyes on the ladies,” said the member for New England. ”I am a big proponent of getting behind women, and am also not averse to them being on top.”

”What can I say, no matter the position I am always there, willing to press the flesh.”

When asked given his history of multiple marriages and other accusations, what he feels is the best way forward for women, the member for New England said: ”The Government needs to start doing some practical stuff to make things better for women.”

”Like removing the bonk ban, for instance.”

”How many women were left unsatisfied by the bonk ban. Think of the the women who went to bed at night alone, when they could have been snuggled up next to a Minister.”

”Anyway, must be off, keen to press the flesh with as many women as possible today.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

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Dutton Asks For Parliament To Be Delayed As Gina Needs Her Cat Fed

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Thu, 07/03/2024 - 7:41am in

Opposition leader (for now), Peter Dutton, has written to the Prime Minister to ask that the next sitting of parliament be delayed, as Gina Rinehart needs her cat fed.

”The Prime Minister should do the right thing and delay parliament so I can go and attend to Lord Rinehart’s cat,” said the Opposition leader. ”And it wouldn’t hurt him to maybe give me access to the Prime Ministerial jet as well.”

”Last week I had to fly business class to Perth just to pour drinks at Gina’s birthday do. That’s no way to travel.”

When asked why he seemingly put Gina Rinehart above all others, including the people of Dunkley, the interim Opposition leader said: ”Gina is a wonderful human being who has done so much for herself, err, her country.”

”It’ s an honour to live in a World that she inhabits.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, Gina is having a bit of trouble sleeping so she has asked if I can read out my budget reply speech to help her drift off.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

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Albo Killed JFK! Claims Billionaire Collective Advance Australia

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Fri, 01/03/2024 - 7:39am in

Advance Australia, an ultra right-wing lobby group run by a collective of billionaires, has made the startling claim that Prime Minister, Anthony Albanese, was the actual killer of former US President JFK.

”We have conclusive proof that Albo shot JFK,” said a Spokesperson for the billionaire collective. ”We will be releasing this information alongside proof that Albo was also behind faking the moon landing the minute that Peter Dutton is elected Prime Minister of Australia.”

”Up until that time we will campaign heavily to ensure that JFK killing Albo is stopped.”

When asked how Albo who was 6 months old at the time of JFK’s assassination could have been the shooter, the billionaire collective’s Spokesperson said: ”We will show how it was done all in good time.”

”The minute that Peter Dutton is safely ensconced as PM we will let the World know all about Anthony Albanese and his many, many crimes.”

”Ever been in a public toilet and the person before you didn’t flush? We can prove that on every occasion that it was Albo.”

”Missed out on Taylor Swift tickets? That’s on Albo. I could go on and on and the only way to stop me is to vote one, Peter Dutton.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

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Sussan Defends Dutton: ”He Can’t Be A Liar, His Pants Are Not On Fire”

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Thu, 22/02/2024 - 6:28am in

The Liberal party’s deputy leader (yep, really), Sussan Ley, has defended the parties leader Peter Dutton from accusations of lying, declaring that Peter can’t be a liar as his pants are not on fire.

”The press and Mr Albanese like to throw around accusations like, that’s a lie, why are you lying and can’t you ever tell the truth Mr Dutton,” stated Susssan. ”But, they don’t realise how foolish they look, as the public don’t care about the truth they just care about what they hear.”

”And trust me, between now and the next election they will be hearing a lot from myself and Peter Dutton.”

When asked why the Opposition leader seemingly only did soft interviews with sycophant’s like Ray Hadley and Ben Fordham, Sussssan Ley said: ”No one hits harder than Ray Hadley, he gives Peter quite a workout each week.”

”Pete says that some days it feels like being flogged with warm lettuce.”

”I bet Mr Albanese wouldn’t like being flogged with warm lettuce. Probably worried he’d upset the Greens.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, Peter said that Albo allegedly eats live goats. I must and go and do a press conference on this.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

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”It’s Not A Lie If Sky News Believes It,” – Declares Donald Dutton

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 21/02/2024 - 6:28am in

Australian Opposition leader (for now), Donald Dutton, has told confidantes that the secret to winning the next election is his new found mantra. That it is not a lie, if Sky News or the ABC believes it.

”Dutt’s has been workshopping some new gear this week on the road and so far the hit rate has been quite good,” said a member of Dutton’s inner circle. ”He’s been free styling on facts and figures around boats and no one’s called him out.”

”Sure, a few of the Twitter/X peeps have had a whinge, but they don’t count.”

When asked why the Opposition leader had to rely on lies and mistruths, the Dutton confidante said: ”Well, it’s not his fault that the press don’t call him out on it.”

”Old mate Ray Hadley grins ear-to ear when he sees Dutts, and the ABC, well they wouldn’t dare to question him.”

”Anyway, if people have a problem with Donald Dutton, then don’t vote for him. But, be warned, we need to put our planned nuclear reactors somewhere.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

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