Tony Abbott
Abbott Demands Albo Send The Army To The UK To Help Find The Princess
Former Prime Minister (yep, really) Tony Abbott, has demanded that current Prime Minister, Anthony Albanese, send the army over to the UK to help track down Princess Kate.
”A strong monarchy makes a strong Australia,” said Mr Rabbit. ”Albo needs to stop obsessing over his beloved Rabbitohs and start obsessing over the Royals.”
”Like normal people do.”
When asked if he seriously wanted to Australia to waste resources in the middle of a cost of living crisis, Mr Rabbit said: ”Well, uh, huh, huh, the Australian people want the very best for our Royal family.”
”They won’t mind if we sacrifice a new school for a Royal visit, or a new hospital to send a search team to the UK.”
”Things like education and healthcare come and go, but King Charles and the Royals, they’ll be with us forever.”
”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to pick up some supplies for my trip to the UK, I hope Harris farm is still open.”
Mark Williamson
@MWChatShow
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Junkyard Dutton ducks for cover under Gina’s nuclear umbrella, but he’s still up shit creek
Junkyard Dutton slinks away from Dunkley in a blue funk, after his humiliating rout as the brains behind the Advance-Liberal (Ad Lib) coalition’s “Rapists, paedophiles and murderers”, fear n’ smear campaign. No-one can count a club of billionaires’ dark money, but a Qantas Chairman’s Lounge of plutocrats, masquerading as a grassroots outfit “Advance” report $5.2 million in…
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Abbott Demands Albo Knight King Charles Immediately
Tony Abbott, star of the hit ABC show Nemesis, has called upon the Prime Minister, Anthony Albanese, to immediately knight King Charles or face being shirt fronted.
”King Charles loves this country and Australians, well at least 6 of us, love him,” said Mr Rabbit. ”What better way to honour the King than by demoting him down to a Knight.”
”It certainly lifted Prince Philip’s spirits., apparently he was quite animated when told of the honour.”
When asked whether it was time for Australia to cut ties with the monarchy and stand on it’s own two feet as a Republic, Mr Rabbit said: ”No, no, no, ah, definitely not.”
”Australia is at it’s best when we are lead by a strong King. Kids in this country want to grow up with the opportunity to one day serve a benevolent King, or in certain circumstances a Queen.”
”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to see if I’m eligible to donate a prostate to the King, you bet you are, err, you bet I am.”
Mark Williamson
@MWChatShow
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Barnaby Calls For A National Apology To Victims Of The Bonk Ban
The Opposition’s shadow minister for home and foreign affairs, Barnaby Joyce, has demanded the Government issue a National apology to victims of the previous Government’s bonk ban.
”A lot of lives were ruined due to the ill-thought through bonk ban,” said the member for New England. ”I mean how many lonely nights were members of parliament forced to endure due to it’s cruelty.”
”All well and good for those techy types who can figure out Tinder and all those swipey dating apps.”
When asked if he seriously was calling for an apology over the bonk ban, the opposition’s shadow minister for home and foreign affairs said: ”Of course I want an apology and some compensation as well.”
”Do you know how much cash I burnt through on hand cream alone?”
”Anyway, Albo, do the right thing, make things right, so I don’t have to learn how to swipe.”
Mark Williamson
@MWChatShow
You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.
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