Labor
Dutton Sick Of The Division In Australia Demands We All Call Them Potato Scallops
Divisive Peter Dutton has called for the nation to come together and settle the argument once and for all by demanding that all Australian’s call them potato scallops.
”It’s time for someone to take charge and start dealing with the issues that matter to ordinary everyday Australians,” said the Opposition leader. ”Those dirty Melbourne based lefties think they know it all and call them potato cakes.”
”Well enough is enough, under my Government anyone who dares to call them potato cakes will be shot.”
When asked why he was always seeking to cause division and animosity in the community, the Opposition leader said: ”I do not seek to divide, I am not a monster, don’t believe me, go ask my wife, she wrote a news paper article about it.”
”This country will be a better place when I am appointed supreme leader and the Labor party is sent off to exile in Nauru.”
”What a time it will be, the streets will flow with the blood of the non-Dutton supporters.”
”All this talk of dictatorships has got me all worked up, I must go and find a puppy to strangle to calm the nerves.”
Mark Williamson
@MWChatShow
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Class Struggle in the 21st Century
Whoever keeps posting Karl Marx quotes on the breakroom bulliten board needs to stop.– Management Engage yourself with consequential reflections about labor and class struggle in the 21st century with these (not just thought but also action-provoking) five superb books: — Anderson, Elizabeth. 2023. Hijacked: How Neoliberalism Turned the Work Ethic against Workers and How Workers […]
Labor Education for All Workers
As the cause of labor has long declared “a new social order is needed.” Labor education will help create the possibility for this new social order—democratic control of our workplaces and communities—to emerge.
The post Labor Education for All Workers appeared first on New Politics.
Indooroopilly Macca’s Playground To Host Olympic Opening Ceremony
The Queensland Government (for now) has announced that the 2032 Olympic opening ceremony will be held at the Indooroopily Macca’s outdoor playground. The news comes after the billion dollar plan to rebuild the Gabba has been scrapped.
”The 2032 Brisbane Olympics will really get the World talking,” said a Government Spokesperson. ”They’ll be saying things like, wow, that’s inventive and how do you fit 24 athletes into a set of bunk beds.”
”This will definitely put Brisbane on the map.”
When asked why the State of Queensland bid for the games when it is becoming clear that they cannot afford them, the Government Spokesperson said: ”We can afford them, just not the initial plans.”
”Besides, rejigging like this happens all the time. Take the Eiffel tower, the French couldn’t even afford to finish it, it’s all steel with no plasterboard in sight.”
”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to buy some oversized chest of drawers for the athletes. Not sure how I’ll fit the basketballers in them.”
Mark Williamson
@MWChatShow
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O’Brien, the Teamsters, TDU, and the Labor Left: A Controversy
An important discussion is taking place among Teamster activists about the leadership of Sean O’Brien. It is also a conversation about the part being played by of Teamsters for a Democratic Union.
The post O’Brien, the Teamsters, TDU, and the Labor Left: A Controversy appeared first on New Politics.
Greens Sad After Dutton Won’t Join Their Drum Circle, Despite Joining Forces To Sink Albo’s House Plan
The Australian Greens have held a sad drum circle today after their offers to Opposition leader, Peter Dutton, to join were strongly rebuffed.
”We thought that after we took Peter’s side against Albo to make sure no new houses were built that he’d want to hang out with us,” said Greens leader Adam Bandt. ”Boy were we wrong.”
”Poor Nick McKim offered to share his mung beans with Mr Dutton and Peter slapped them away.”
When asked why the Greens chose to side with the Coalition to stop the housing bill rather than work with the Government, the Greens leader said: ”When a fire is burning and the only way to stop it is with water, you have to way up which is more important.”
”Water preservation or a raging bushfire. We Greens don’t take these decisions lightly.”
”Anyway, must be off, Max Chandler-Mather suggested we head around to Albo’s place and inspect his bins to make sure he’s recycling properly.”
Mark Williamson
@MWChatShow
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It’s Good Work—If You Can Get It
As the world of work sagged and collapsed, University of North Carolina sociologist and W-2 worker Alexandrea Ravenelle decided to document this economic shock in real time....
Sussan Defends Dutton: ”He Can’t Be A Liar, His Pants Are Not On Fire”
The Liberal party’s deputy leader (yep, really), Sussan Ley, has defended the parties leader Peter Dutton from accusations of lying, declaring that Peter can’t be a liar as his pants are not on fire.
”The press and Mr Albanese like to throw around accusations like, that’s a lie, why are you lying and can’t you ever tell the truth Mr Dutton,” stated Susssan. ”But, they don’t realise how foolish they look, as the public don’t care about the truth they just care about what they hear.”
”And trust me, between now and the next election they will be hearing a lot from myself and Peter Dutton.”
When asked why the Opposition leader seemingly only did soft interviews with sycophant’s like Ray Hadley and Ben Fordham, Sussssan Ley said: ”No one hits harder than Ray Hadley, he gives Peter quite a workout each week.”
”Pete says that some days it feels like being flogged with warm lettuce.”
”I bet Mr Albanese wouldn’t like being flogged with warm lettuce. Probably worried he’d upset the Greens.”
”Now, if you’ll excuse me, Peter said that Albo allegedly eats live goats. I must and go and do a press conference on this.”
Mark Williamson
@MWChatShow
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Mulch Dropped On NSW State Forests To Prevent Bushfires
In a bid to fireproof the state for the remainder of summer Chris Minns has spread half a billion tonnes of mulch over the state’s bushland.
“We’ve been sending out Elvis the water sucking helicopter to hoover up all that asbestos rich mulch from Sydney’s parks and playgrounds and dump it over the state,” said the NSW Premier. “We now have the least flammable National Parks in history. We’ve demoted the fire danger from “Catastrophic” down to “Go Charging Through The Wollemi With A Flame Thrower Like A Hooligan And Stuff All Will Happen, We Dare You”.
The newfound use for their product has been a boon for the state’s besieged mulch suppliers.
“Hey stickybeak, we have no idea how that asbestos ever got into our mulch,” said some guy named Big Vinnie from the Corleone Mulch Company. “There’s certainly no truth to the rumour that we’ve secured the contract to ethically dispose of all the radioactive waste from the AUKUS submarines.”
Big Vinnie then suggested that it wasn’t wise to be asking too many questions about mulch to someone who owns a machine that can turn a solid log into mulch sized pieces and could easily do the same to a pesky reporter.
Peter Green
http://www.twitter.com/Greeny_Peter
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Canberra Braces Itself After Barnaby Is Tasked With Organising Albo’s Bucks
The sleepy little town of Canberra is bracing itself this week after it was announced that the Opposition’s shadow minister for home affairs, Barnaby Joyce, had been tasked with organising Prime Minister Anthony Albanese’s upcoming bucks party.
”It’s an honour to be handed the reins to Albo’s bucks,” said the member for New England. ”I know Bill Shorten had put his hand up, but his idea of going knife throwing was quickly shot down.”
”I will make it a night to remember, well for those of us that don’t get blackout drunk, it will definitely be.”
When asked what could be expected at the upcoming bucks, Mr Joyce said: ”Well, usually what happens on a bucks stays on a bucks. But, as I’m keen to sell the story to the highest bidder I might give you a glimpse.”
”There’ll be the usual, you know, drinks, rippers a donkey show.”
”I know Albo likes his music, so I will definitely have to find a strip club with a good DJ.”
”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get to work, these strippers won’t audition themselves.”
Mark Williamson
@MWChatShow
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