Christmas
Doctor Who: BBC Confirms "The Church on Ruby Road" Start Time
The BBC confirmed the start time for its Ncuti Gatwa and Millie Gibson-starring Doctor Who Christmas Special: "The Church on Ruby Road."
P.A.G. Pointy Tree Day Gift Tags - Yep! Same old tags!
These are our "classic" Pointy Tree Day gift tags, meaning they're 100% post-consumer recycled internet waste! That means you can feel great about staring at them, knowing that the calories we burned to make them up way back in 2015 are the same calories we used to repost them today! That's like mulch for your brain! So beneficial! So lazy. Mmmmmm, lazy.
And, best of all, when you give gifts covered in P.A.G. Pointy Tree Day gift-taggery, you're pretty much guaranteed to have the entire holiday season all to yourself next year!
You're welcome!
Woman With Christmas Shopping Already Done Overdoses On Smugness
A woman is in a critical condition in a Sydney hospital after taking an overdose of smug whilst declaring to her friends that she had completed all of her Christmas shopping several weeks before the event.
“A female was admitted to intensive care with heightened levels of superiority in her blood stream as well as a patronisation reading of .24,” said Dr Rudolph Mistletoe from the ER department of Royal Prince Alfred Hospital. “In her pockets we found several empty packets of gift tags and two unused Christmas stamps.”
The woman, identified as Loftus resident Christine Kringle, had earlier been boasting to friends that she had finished all of her Christmas shopping by mid November and had sent out cards to every cousin, aunty, overseas acquaintance and work colleague.
“Unfortunately at this time of year we get many cases of people overindulging in smugness whilst letting all and sundry know how well organised they are about buying presents,” said senior constable Donna Blitzen from the NSW Smug Squad. “People should make themselves aware of the warning signs that a friend or family member is an early Christmas shopper. Are they buying packs of ten cards at the Boxing Day sales? Is there a significant rise in the levels of internet shopping during August and September? Do they have secret drawers of gift wrapping paraphernalia? Are they walking around the house with little bits of sticky tape on the ends of their fingers in October? If you’re being asked to put your finger on knot before the start of the cricket season I’d suggest planning some kind of an intervention.”
Doctors are hoping to lower the patient’s smugness levels by steering conversation away from Christmas and asking her if she has any plans for New Year’s Eve.
“Unfortunately if she’s already booked herself a hotel room overlooking Sydney harbour where she can see the fireworks we may be too late to save her.”
Peter Green
http://www.twitter.com/Greeny_Peter
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Warning: this post contains the C word
Is it too early to be thinking about Christmas?
Almost certainly, yes.
Is this year going to be THE year in which you get all your shopping sorted way ahead of time?
Probably not, no.
Is there a book publishing today which could solve many of your Christmas shopping headaches?
No idea, tbh.
Regardless, I thought I should probably let you know that I have a new book coming out today. It’s a collection of Christmas poems called And So This is Christmas.
Poems cover most of the festive basics, such as: the likelihood of snow; secret Santa shopping; family tensions; the voting habits of turkeys; the difficulty of getting hold of some myrrh; disruptions to the regular bin schedule; bloody robins.
Oh, and the commercialization of Christmas, of course.
If it wasn’t too early to be thinking about Christmas, I would tell you that the book is available through all bookshops – online stores and proper ones. I’d probably also share this link, which provides links to some of the bookshops through which you can order it online:
https://linktr.ee/brianbilston
I might also mention that the paperback of Days Like These will be publishing in just under a month and that also might serve as a Christmas gift for someone for whom you don’t want to go to much effort.
But given it’s only 12th October, I probably shouldn’t. In fact, best just to disregard all of the above; I wish I hadn’t mentioned it now.
WARNING: Blog Post May Contain Traces of Christmas
I’m delighted to share with you some exciting – if somewhat unseasonal – news …
I have a new poetry collection coming out in October, perfectly timed for Christmas: which is a good job really because it’s a book of Christmas poems. It’s called ‘And So This is Christmas’ and is now available to preorder.
The book will be available through your local bookshop, or online. If ordered online through the link below, you can also support an independent bookshop of your choosing: Preorder here
A very Merry July and a Happy New August to you all.
