ABC
Doctor Who: Ncuti Gatwa, Millie Gibson Share Clip During GMA Visit
Earlier today, Doctor Who star Ncuti Gatwa and Millie Gibson stopped by ABC's Good Morning America - and they brought a clip with them.
Property Developers Plan To Turn Bluey’s House Into A Nursing Home
Property developers in Brisbane have bandied together to purchase the property owned by the Heeler family as featured in the Sylvania waters style reality tv series, Bluey. With plans afoot to knock down the property and turn it into a nursing home.
”When a property becomes available with such a significant backyard your first thought is how can we turn this into something more profitable,” said Red Hill based Property developer Irwin R Shyster. ”We did initially plan on turning it into 20 dog box apartments.”
”But, when we crunched the numbers we figured there is way more coin to be made in the nursing home sector.”
When asked why in the middle of a housing crisis would developers look to taking out homes like Bluey’s and converting them to other uses, Mr Shyster said: ”Old people need to live somewhere too.”
”I mean, we can’t have them living in their own homes spending their own money when they could be giving that money to us.”
”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I hear there is some asbestos laden mulch in the area, that would make great blankets for our new nursing home.”
Mark Williamson
@MWChatShow
You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.
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”It’s Not A Lie If Sky News Believes It,” – Declares Donald Dutton
Australian Opposition leader (for now), Donald Dutton, has told confidantes that the secret to winning the next election is his new found mantra. That it is not a lie, if Sky News or the ABC believes it.
”Dutt’s has been workshopping some new gear this week on the road and so far the hit rate has been quite good,” said a member of Dutton’s inner circle. ”He’s been free styling on facts and figures around boats and no one’s called him out.”
”Sure, a few of the Twitter/X peeps have had a whinge, but they don’t count.”
When asked why the Opposition leader had to rely on lies and mistruths, the Dutton confidante said: ”Well, it’s not his fault that the press don’t call him out on it.”
”Old mate Ray Hadley grins ear-to ear when he sees Dutts, and the ABC, well they wouldn’t dare to question him.”
”Anyway, if people have a problem with Donald Dutton, then don’t vote for him. But, be warned, we need to put our planned nuclear reactors somewhere.”
Mark Williamson
@MWChatShow
You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.
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Dutton Fumes After ABC 7:30 Host Dares To Ask Him A Question
Opposition leader (for now), Peter Dutton, has fumed after his appearance on the ABC’s 7:30 report led to him being asked actual questions by host Sarah Ferguson.
”This is so typical of the inner city, lefty, woke ABC elites,” fumed the Opposition leader. ”How dare they ask questions of me, this wouldn’t happen on 2GB or Sky News.”
”I can’t wait to become Prime Minister, see how they like making their little programs in the same studio as a small modular nuclear reactor.”
When asked if he was seriously upset about being questioned, the Opposition leader took a break from strangling puppies to say: ”The Australian people do not expect their revered Opposition leaders to be disrespected in such a manner as being questioned.”
”The ABC needs to know that when I speak I am to be listened to and not questioned”
”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a reach around, err, I mean an interview with 2GB’s Ray Hadley.”
Mark Williamson
@MWChatShow
You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.
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Barnaby Calls For A National Apology To Victims Of The Bonk Ban
The Opposition’s shadow minister for home and foreign affairs, Barnaby Joyce, has demanded the Government issue a National apology to victims of the previous Government’s bonk ban.
”A lot of lives were ruined due to the ill-thought through bonk ban,” said the member for New England. ”I mean how many lonely nights were members of parliament forced to endure due to it’s cruelty.”
”All well and good for those techy types who can figure out Tinder and all those swipey dating apps.”
When asked if he seriously was calling for an apology over the bonk ban, the opposition’s shadow minister for home and foreign affairs said: ”Of course I want an apology and some compensation as well.”
”Do you know how much cash I burnt through on hand cream alone?”
”Anyway, Albo, do the right thing, make things right, so I don’t have to learn how to swipe.”
Mark Williamson
@MWChatShow
You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.
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ScoMo Boasts Of Secretly Appointing Himself Australian Of The Year
Australia’s former PM (yep, really), Scott Morrison, has been quietly boasting to all who’ll listen how he has secretly appointed himself 2024’s Australian of the year.
”Scott, err, sorry ScoMo, is genuinely chuffed that he thought of this little scheme,” said a colleague who wished to remain anonymous. ”He truly believes that God selected him to be PM and now wants him to be Australian of the year.”
”God moves in mysterious ways apparently.”
When reached for comment on rumours that he was to be named Australian of the year, the former PM said: ”I reject the premise of your question.”
”However, should the Australian people wish to foist upon me the honour of being Australian of the year, I wouldn’t say no, rather, I’d say ScoMo!”
”Let me tell you, should I win, wait and see the side eye that I launch on Albo, it’ll be anything other than tame.”
”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to pick up my Australian flag suit from Lowes.”
Mark Williamson
@MWChatShow
You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.
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ABC Staff Offered Counselling After Being Forced To Interview A Government Minister
The ABC has announced that they will offer counselling to all employees after their News Breakfast program was forced to interview a Government Minister instead of their preferred option of an Opposition spokesperson.
”It is indeed a dark day for the ABC that we had to speak to a Minister instead of the Opposition,” said an anonymous News Producer. ”Sure, we could’ve hammered them with got ya questions but, it’s just so much easier to verbally fellate the Opposition.”
”I wish the LNP had sent us their talking points earlier.”
When asked why the ABC bent over backwards for the Coalition and seemed to have pitchforks ready for the Government, the anonymous Spokesperson said: ”That’s not true we cover both sides equally. Just that some sides are more equal than others.”
”The public doesn’t know half the story of what happens behind the scenes.”
”I mean it’s not like Peter Dutton is holding our loved ones hostage, oh God, I miss my Mum.”
”Anyway, must be off, Angus Taylor had a thought I need to film him reciting it to run as the lead story of tonight’s news.”
Mark Williamson
@MWChatShow
You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.
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Dutton Dreaming Of A White Christmas
Opposition leader, the Dark Lord Peter Dutton, has told fans/journalists how he longs for a white Christmas, one in which he can deck the halls with boughs of misogyny, err, holly.
”I am an old fashioned type of bloke and a big fan of the colour white,” said the Dark Lord. ”So, this year as I sit in my palatial mansion overlooking my grounds I dream of seeing nothing but white.”
”I do live in Queensland but, I’m not alone there of dreaming of a white Christmas.”
When asked what he was hoping next year would bring for the Country, the Dark Lord said: ”Instead of ho ho ho I want to see more no no no!”
”I want the best for Australia, I want an economy run by Angus Taylor, Sussan Ley or Michalia Cash representing us on the World stage and our water being sold off by the Nationals.”
”2024 will be a great year even if I have to oppose every single idea and proposition that the Government puts forward.”
”I will tear this country down, only to build it back up the white way.”
Mark Williamson
@MWChatShow
You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.
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”Circle-Jerk” Named Word Of The Year In Honour Of Australia’s Media
Australian’s have chosen the word ‘circle-jerk’ as in the collective noun for a group of journalists, ie a circle-jerk of journalists as their word of the year for 2023.
”It’s been a tough year this year to come up with the word of the year,” said word afficiendo Richard Tionary. ”A lot of places went with abbreviations or Tik-Tok slang.”
”However, the last week in Canberra was an excellent demonstration of a circle-jerk from the Australian media and that tipped it across the line.”
When asked what words we could expect to jump to the fore over the next year, Richard Tionary said: ”Well, with an American election on the horizon and an Australian one a lot of different terms for lying, fear and orange could be expected.”
Of course Peter Dutton will spend the year focusing in on immigration, so expect a few ethnic slurs to be thrown into the mix as well.”
Mark Williamson
@MWChatShow
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DC Studios, Doctor Who, Disney Holiday & More: BCTV Daily Dispatch
In today's BCTV Daily Dispatch: Rick and Morty, DC Studios, Disney's Magical Holiday Celebration, Peacemaker, Euphoria, Doctor Who, and more!