Channel 7 has taken a break from surfing the dark net for sex and drugs to call their favourite son, Bruce Lehrmann, to tell him he won’t be on this year’s Bachelor program but instead will be on SAS Australia.

”When we signed up Bruce we thought he would be a big star, interviews, the Bachelor, heck ,maybe even the new host of Carols by Candlelight.” said a Channel 7 Executive. ”But, you know the public hasn’t warmed to him as we expected so maybe a stint on SAS Australia will help.”

”Ant will help lil” Brucey tow the line, as opposed to snorting it.”

When asked why the network was investing so much in such a flawed individual, the Channel Seven executive said: ”He’s not that flawed, I mean he’s no Andrew O’Keefe.”

”Look, someone has to look out for lil’ Brucey, he’s just a man who went back to the office late at night to drink some scotch, do a little work and well things went a bit awry.”

”Anyway, if you’ll excuse me, we’re trying to land an exclusive interview with Bluey, don’t suppose you know where I can grab some Scooby snacks?”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

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