OMGA! "Half of Australian home owners can't identify asbestos"! Wait; who said they need this ability?

Television created the problem of upper-middle class dimwits thinking they can do the job of a dozen skilled tradespersons, so it can fix it. I propose a "reality" show called "Fibre Optics", where duos of insufferable yuppies are locked in airtight rooms and have to pick which of two near-identical building materials they would prefer to have pulverised into a fine mist and spread over and through their bodies for a week.

There's no scoring, or artificial method of elimination from the competition, and certainly no "immunity". Viewers just get to enjoy watching the competitors become ever more convinced of their own competence as they grow weaker and wheezier. When finally unable to move, they give a last interview where they will celebrate the blood they are coughing up as proof that their purgative algal breakfast shakes are finally removing the toxins accumulated in a lifetime of vaccines, fluoridated water and non-alternative medicine. Then they are shoveled into the furnace.

The celebrity version is even better.